The End Where I Begin

2012-02-19T07:42:00.000-08:00

I never thought that it could be that hurt. I hope that I lost all my senses. I feel my heart painstake. I could never imagine that we actually finally sit down and talk everything out. However, it may also be the last time and the last chapter of our love story. I feel that we could not unwind the history backward. If we actually sit down and talk at the very first few times we argue, nothing will happen up to this point. With Taylor Swift new hit song "safe and sound", the night makes me want to bury my head in the pillow and cry my heart out.

Heartstring

2012-02-18T02:53:00.001-08:00

I feel my heart is broken, aching through d deepest chasm to d deepest core of my body. I feel i have many a shatter to pick up from this broken heart of me. I feel tired through this whole long run of relationship. I have tried all my best to hit the bulleyes, everytime it deviates from where it should hit. I have thousand reasons to hear everything out, she has thousand reasons to dodge from reality. I always hope she will be the sweetest girl in my life, I always hope that she will be in the book of my life. I worn out all of my energy to catch this incredibly fast shooting stars in the broad cloudy sky. I guess I never gain a place in her to make her stand side by side with me. I hardly understand what she is really made up of. I cannot permeate through her world even though i have turned into a tiny air to slit into her world. Is it my own delusional problem?

Fragile

2011-12-31T08:52:00.000-08:00

A new year ahead now. 2012 is arriving with tones of wishes from my friends in both KL and Penang. Indeed, 1/1/12 is such a wonderful and warm day to me. Hey, my friends who looking at my blog now. Do you ponder over the future of yourself? Or you still dwelling with some difficulties which cannot be overcome? Try not to burrow your head too deep in the hole which your will later cannot retrieve your head from. All difficulties and troubles will have to come from some sources and triggers. Identify it and dont let it ot be your burden of life. It sounds easy for me to say it out, it is very hard to practise on daily life.

From these few days in my hometown, Penang, where i back to my own home, i realize a lot of things. A relationship is something very fragile to be maintained. Looking at myself now, i realize i cannot be a good boyfriend to my girlfriend. She is sometime too passive. She wants something that i do not even know how to fulfill. Guess what, i am a poor boy grown up in a love despair family. How can I be there to give you the kind of love that you ever dreamt of? She does not comment much and say much in every conversation I kicked off. Once in a while, she will give me a message with 'wei wei'. She expected me to give her some response. Fine, in the first few times, I gave her responses, but in the end I gave up. I asked her in a implicit way what she really wants in her wei-wei message.

Sometimes, it is me who do not know what I really want from this relationship. I have a very uncomfortable feeling every time I am with her. I do not how to put a word to describe that kind of feeling. I should say that I have been chained by something that will easily throttle me to death.

I want a girlfriend who is neat and tidy. She is not a kind of girl who is neat, I nearly fainted from the second I entered her house. She is a girl who do not know how to dress up like a proper girl or walk like a proper girl. My friends have once adviced her in front of me, but she said this is the way I like her the most. It hurted me deep down to the heart. In that particular moment, I hope I can speak up. Instead I kept silence, I hope time can change her and me as well. This is why I say relationship is very fragile. Hope everything will be different in 2012....

Next is my wishes in 2012, I hope I can get a wonderful result in 2012, hope each of my family members healthy and happy in this year and the last I hope the world will be peaceful in every single day in 2012.

2011-08-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0072507470/student_view0/chapter22/animation__t-cell_dependent_antigens__quiz_2_.html

http://www.slideshare.net/edwinchowyw/humoral-immunity-presentation

华语

2011-06-28T23:54:00.001-07:00

这是我第一次以华语来打我的部落格。感觉真的有点不同。
我不是来自英校，但是是来自华校。
对我来说，英文总来的比华文顺畅的多。
我也不是英语家庭教系成长的。
父母不识多字，但从小就逼我以英语对收银员，服务生交谈。
今天我做了很大的改变。
重新粉刷过我的部落格，以求焕然一新的感觉。
我希望路过的朋友会喜欢。支持我吧！

At home- mind wandering

2011-06-28T07:56:00.000-07:00

I felt so alone at home, kept doing things that repeated doing everyday. From reading books to facebooking, go out with friends. It really bored me out. I wish I can a sweet vacation away from bustle of the city in the oversea cities where i can spend money living in plush hotel with ornate mahagony furniture. I wish I can have the chance to walk under the shade of trees where chances of exodus shoving will be less, so I can sit there from day to night, reverring and appraising the true essence of mother nature. I wish I could totter at the beach and bask under the blaring heat of sun. I wish I can tour around the shops and give myself any try on things that avert my attention. I wish I have a better handphone that can chic my life. With a sophiscated handphone, I can capture the every moment of my life. Inadvertently, I was indulging in sth that will take long time to realize it. The problem that I have here is I come from a poor family. I never blame myself for being born in this family. I am glad that I have a healthy family. Those underdeveloped counties have the worst facilities and policies that thwart their civilian from achieving their basic needs in life. I have my basic needs fulfilled, but not every dreams archieved. Guess these dreams will have to be part of my future to realize.

Recap

2011-05-25T00:31:00.000-07:00

Wow, i passed my exam. How lucky am i? I finally passed this exam. Before the day that I received my results. My heart thudded loudly saying that either now you were to pass successfully or failed inevitably. I wandered along the two possibilities while my friends and I were having lunch at Times Square. A mischievious friend of mine even counted the marks exactly for me to pass the exam. They even questioned the possibilities of us passing the exam since most of us attending the dinner were failed in the last semester exam. There was a possibilities that either one of us was to fail the exam.

That night was a sleepless night. My mind bogged with many thoughts of what am I going to do if I failed this test. There were many oblivious things that I came about. Each heightened my heartbeat. My thoughts were incongruous of my body, doing something that not my mind was thinking about. Then, my friends who passed his viva test spoke sth that startled all of us that were at the place. We never thought of a friend of us will not pass the test without going for viva test ( a test for those who are at the proximity to the passing mark 49.5). This scared the hell all out of me. So, I always think that chinese only either pass or get to viva border 49.5. I never came across that chinese can also fail without straight without going viva border. That sounded unbelievable to me.

That day after the night, i had to face the truth though my heart wrenched me not to go for taking look on my result. However, everything was worth it when i found out that I actually passed the exam. God bless...

I talked to myself that I will surely strike for my best when my second year comes. I want to prove that I am capable of doing something greater than what I archieve now. To those of my friends who unable to pass the test and have to take supple test, I sincerely wish that you will pass with flying colors. To my parents and friens who always support me whenever I fall, thanks for not giving me up. Thanks for your love. Thanks for everything.

Back to Penang.

2011-05-15T06:36:00.000-07:00

This whole year, i really learn a lot of things from all my friends that i made in university. I could really say that i am a grown-up now. The old self of me always fret of doing something new and brave. However, i will search alternative now and try hard to archieve the goal.

I have a plan ahead of me. I want to realize my dream plan. I hope I can pass my exam, no need to take supple (a test to retest those who have their exam). I had searched the route map of Rapid Penang to get to know the bus that can take me to the place without burdening my parents. They always want to fetch and bring me to place i want to go. However, i want to prove that I can be independent and they don't have to worry about me.

I plan to work back at Borders since I have a month of experience working at there before. I guess they will want me back because I am really good at shoving books. Beside, I will take some workout at USM. I have not really go to ask about the price and figure the location there. I will ask help from friends to get ot know the gym. I want to take up some charity work at Tan Xiang Temple. A friend of mine also get me some charity work at an unknown clinic.

God, i hope that I can pass this exam successfully. I can hear that my plan is calling me now.

2010-08-30T13:19:00.000-07:00

I feel so terrified now. I dont know the way now. I hope a beacon can be with me now. Direct me to the pathway that i should go, not just leave me wondering where i should i head to. Suddenly, there was a light shooting in front, shimmering sharp and focus light on me. I want to get over there, but I know that my weight cannot carry me that far. Though i have the strong flying wings, that wouldn't help much. The chasm between me and light is too far away. I hope i can touch it with my melting hand, as i try to fly away, it will only drive me to the brim of death. Death wouldnt give second chance to mankind. I hope that i could change my path of destiny, if i were given a chance to go back to childhood, i will not burrowing myself in the world of words only. I will try my magic hand on those things that i will like to do, do stuff that against my parents. I am little bit dejected over what my prents have pushed me to become of. Because of their dedicated love to me, I will have to prove back to them by scoring a good result. In the end, I hardly recognised who i supposed to be. A happy child with cherish childhood? A studious child without the merry of life? If I am not destined to choose this path, will I be something different? Only the maker of mine will know the stark truth.

Starting to catch up?

2010-08-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

I am quite confused right now. It's been a long time since our orientation ended. However, i still feel that i am lost in the middle of nowhere. I have no direction now like i am the lone ship in midnight, without any navigator or beacon to actually guide me. My seniors they have given me all the necessary notes that i can refer to. Though with all the notes that i have with me right now, i still don't have the slight idea on how to manage them. They brief me and say lotta things that i hardly can understand. It is not that i did not pay attention in class or i have not really started to study. I have my ample time delve into my books and tried to dredge information as much as possible. Alas, i don't really know how to say. It's a stark fact that medic student have to memorise all the things all from the book. I actually wonder how all the seniors managed to handle it. I tried to take desultory steps by just reading the notes without memorising them. My seniors articulate that I have to MEMORISE.

I don't want to talk about this matter anymore. Let's talk about my last visit to midvalley. Again midvalley, it is nearer to UM. I went there for a movie and also a lunch or shall i say it is a dinner with my friends. We went to Nandos for a birthday celebration with Shawna. Ya, her name is Shawna, our birthday girl that day. Initially, she knew nothing about the plan that we were going to celebrate birthday with her. By the way, that day was not her birthday also. It was an early celebration for her. Actually, after spending whole day in midvalley, i think it is a wastage of time. Jesmon, Guodin and me were supposedly to order chicken from midvalley. Then, we would leave that place. However, the plan changed and we (Guodin and I) were dragged into the birthday celebration. I went to watch Inception. It is a nice movie, but the ending left me lotta squeamish things. It is an eminent movie that Christopher Nolan have made. He really impresses me a lot, first with Dark Knight, later on with Inception. It is a great job, i wait to watch his latest movie.

Hardship

2010-07-16T20:31:00.001-07:00

Its been 2 week i m in University Malaya. I have all sort of concoction of feeling in my heart. The first week of our orientation, we have done lotta of activities which make me hardly have a little comfortable time for myself, it brings only hassle to my life... but at the same time i do enjoy. This is because that we learn how to cheers in a group of 100 to 200 people. I also have the chance to actually dance senam seni, which most people will find it very boring. Else, i feel it is a way of relaxing in the long week of orientation. The first few days we have of activity of getting to know pemabantu mahasiswa. They are a group comprises different races who stand up to help the freshman year student to get to know the college surrounding. There is a task whereby we have to take signature from the pembantu mahasiswa. I find that through this way i will get to know the pembantu mahasiswa or our seniors in a better way. I befriend with some of the seniors through this way. If it was last time in school, i will not approach any of my seniors, as if i dont really border about geeting to know my seniors. However, the situation changed now. I learn to approach friends and seniors in a humble and amiable way.

Yesterday, i went out ot mid valley. It was the second time i went there. I went with a batch of my course mate. We watched movie till late night or shall i say its early in the morning. The movie was ecllipse. As in the second sequel of the movie, if you dont really browse or read the book, you will get bored with the way the movie unravel. Its more to the deep-to-heart emotional intrigue. The intricacy of the feeling that transpire between Jacob, Bella and Edward is amazing. The love triangle is both complicated and simple. The love between Bella and Edward is great and yet simple. Bella always want to stay with Edward, regardless of anything that will crush her live. Its complicated in the way that Bella also fall in love Jacob, the werewolf. Eventually, Bella choose to stay beside Edward though Jacob have nearly killed. I realise that i will not step the path as Bella have done. I rather pick Jacob because i think that at least Jacob is liveful werewolf, whereas Edward is a lifeless vampire that will have to feed on prey to survive. I want a fiery heart that can warm me and i dont want a icy stone that do harm to me.

I think that is it. I am very exhausted and i need a restful day to embrace myself to the new whole week of orientation next week. Bye.

Hey to myself?

2010-04-30T11:40:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, a feeling gurgling in like the flow of water, is it every time i write it is just mean for myself to read? If any reader and will like to comment on my blog, just say sth on my wall in facebook. You know what, i do not know how to create a talking pop thing in my blog. My eyelid is very heavy, tumbling down now. I will talk about my job next time we meet. Have a nice day to my friends in Labor's day. Bye.

Long time no see to my blog

2010-04-22T02:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time that i have not touch computer, laptop to get online. Now, I am sitting down in front of the computer gaping deep into the world that i barely know now. I have been waiting long to come home. But the feeling is very strange. I had been studying hard for my exam, now i finally back to hometown, so i should not have any qualms about taking a few days off. A feeling barge in and i know i should take less resting time, start working. I found myself a promising job, though everyone was bleating the price is inappropriate to my work. Anyway, i care less about it and i want to be onto my job to know what is Boarders about. Correct, my working place is now at Queensbay, the Boarders. The interviewers is not the type of devil's advocate, she is a kind lady, i hope that she will always be. She told me to have downright preparation about my working during my interview. I felt easy after all, however i sputttered in my interview. The butterfly always fluttered in my stomach like it always has. She asked me to go back home and waited patiently for the answers. That day, i got a call from the lady. After i hang out my phone, I yelped out like i was released from the cage. Groovy, I finally get a job.

As today is the Earth day, i would ask everyone of us to support the world organisation and also the private sector in support of the good envinronment. A better generation will need a better place to live on and strive. Dont let your earth conscious to turn out to be speck, let it glitter and glisten throughout the whole world.

Finally

2009-12-14T23:17:00.000-08:00

New Moon.

2009-11-28T02:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my friend and I patronised cinema to have this new movie. Wow, it's so boring, nothing fancy, nothing extraordinary that can entice me. I felt so stupid to go and watch it. Actually, I had read the book before, the front part is all about the inner feeling of Bella, how she felt about the relationship between Edward and her. She realised that one day she will turn old and that will mean she will not be able to stay with Edward forever. However, Edward did not want to bite her cause' he does not want her to follow his trail to become a vampire which is immortal. Kent said that the one of the male lead character is handsome and gorgeous, i would just say that he is handsome but he lack something a man need (the spirit). He is Taylor who acts as werewolf. Well, he is too naive and young, and from what i get from the web, he is currently in relationship with Taylor Swift. Two Taylor together will sure to ignite sparks between them. There is one girl I like. In the movie she is a vampire called Jane who can petrifies the one around her with a mere sight.

A new rise from the earth

2009-11-23T23:10:00.000-08:00

Ha ha ha ... Laughing heard again in our room it's like a bloth of blood that the smell last for a long time. My room has some new guests including Melvin, Wei Hiok, Yi Han and sometimes Kai Ming. (Though they are not from my room). We have been in a hysterical mood from the moment we came back from holiday, I have been asking to myself, is this the same Xiong that i know in the past few year. I could honestly say I changed a lot now. I become more competent than I though I was never before. However at the same time I found out that the life is worth to enjoy cause' it will just slip away in a moment or two. If you did not grip it well, darn you will sure to miss the most interesting part. I have been wondering about myself. Am I a teenager without childhood? Inevitably, it is a definite answer. I have been burrowwing myself in all heaps of books to get a good result. Pokemon, Digimon, Naruto, Detective Conan and all sort of entertainment sound so stranger to me. That is why I promise myself from now onwards I will enjoy my life to the fullest. Tomorrow will be a frightening day for me. Heebie-jeebie has scrawled around me since yesterday. Whatever result I get, I should have brace the fact that it is my destiny.

A new whole self of me

2009-04-11T14:43:00.000-07:00

I want to start to a new page of my life now. I will declare that the old self of me is now dead on 4th November 2009. (2.33pm.) I always be so myself, a self-centred person. Some said that I am quite emotional during my last few blogs. It's quite right. I actually don't want my readers to feel in the same way as I do. So, I decided to take this action, I will delete all my previous blogs. I want to infuse happiness in my blog, no that type of loneliness and unhappiness in my blog. Furthermore, I will try on new different subjects next time, it will be a floundering surprise for you. Thank you.